


What Yachi Did

by Yanyan (IvoicelessI)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: But Tsukkiyama loves each other, Crime Scene, F/M, Implied Murder, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Infidelity, M/M, Mild Blood, Mild Gore, Minor Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, No Romance, Poor Yachi Hitoka, Poor Yamaguchi Tadashi, Psychological Drama, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:41:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28449348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IvoicelessI/pseuds/Yanyan
Summary: She didn't kill him. But he is dead because of her.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi, Yachi Hitoka/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 11





	What Yachi Did

**Author's Note:**

> "She didn't kill him but he's dead because of her." This comes from an indirect translation of a Chinese quote that means that a person is dead not because an individual physically/directly killed them, but they are dead because the individual had connections/mistakes/indirect means of murder (i.e. mentally and emotionally abusing them to the point of suicide) that led them to their death. Anyways, as what you will see the quote somewhat contradicts the story but if you have time to reflect on it further, you will find how twisting the blame on the person can control fate. Emotions have power. And some people simply will trade their future just for the purpose of creating revenge.
> 
> Also, this is somewhat a dark story. It's more psychological and emotional than anything. It shows what happens during a crime scene, what happens on the inflictor's perspective. I'd like to think this is my late Halloween and New Year's gift to everyone and myself because I just got into HQ this year and I'm already so in love! (Also everybody stan Yachi's blonde hair curling when wet from the rain because it never happens in canon (it'll make sense when you see it in the story, lol))
> 
> Enjoy!

|

Along with the pain that's spilling in between her heart and throat, the rain falls on her like bloodrain….

That's it. The rain is the center of the show, how the raindrops trickle down her cheeks like tears, how it falls from her blonde hair like all things that's meant to signify the hurt. It's not about the pool that's crowding around her white Converse, nor the cold that creeps countless shivers down her barely clothed spine. It's about the rain.

Yachi watches from outside the house. Her soft eyes gazing at her boyfriend's nose nuzzling into another man's neck, how he breathes in his scent with none of that loose strain on his shoulder blades, how he just seems content and happy.

Happy.

Tadashi finally knew how simple it is to be happy. Even through the yellow light of a glassed window, even under the torrential downpour, Yachi sees what happiness looks like.

She wonders if Tadashi knew how she noticed he always had a thing for blondes...

_||_

Tadashi doesn't ask how Yachi's day went.

He's all swamped on the floor with a white tank top and ripped jeans. In one hand, he nurses a half-glassed beer as the other dangles laxly on a propped knee. It's all familiar. It's all how they have always been.

There was no smile on his face like there was warmth on his brown eyes earlier right before Tsukishima-san leaned down for a slow kiss on the lips.

Yachi smiles.

Tadashi-kun came home before she did on this dilapidated, worthless motel. Her heart feels like beating a bit colder after getting overwhelmed by the rain for so many hours.

Crying? Yachi isn't that weak.

"Welcome back, Yamaguchi-kun." Yachi speaks like a woman who saw the losing side of the war. A bit bright, a bit numb.

_I need you…._

Tadashi cuts his stare from the crappy television to give her a freckled grin.

_….but there are side effects in loving you._

"Your hair's all curled up, Yachi-san." He laughs like an angel. "It's all messy. You shouldn't be showering under the rain."

_Anxiety. Headaches. Agitation._

"You're right." Yachi's eyes shut as her smile takes up all of her face.

_Nausea. Nervousness. Insomnia._

Tadashi nods before losing interest in her again. His brown eyes are dull as it stares at the TV.

 _Psychosis_.

"Do you remember my mother?" Yachi asks as she makes her way to sit next to her boyfriend.

"Mm." Not even a brush at her resting hand. It's all an inch away from his.

"Sometimes," Yachi couldn't let go of that damn smile. "I can still see her."

"She's probably now somewhere happier, Yachi-san." Tadashi takes a chug at the brown bottle.

"You're right…." Her voice starts to grow small. "I think I just see my father too. I see him inside this one room, in between this gaping door. Do you know what he's doing, Yamaguchi-kun?"

"....no."

"He's dancing. Do you know whom he's dancing with?"

There was silence. Yachi pretends his discomfort isn't a sign of boredom. "A faceless shadow." She says.

"That's...different."

"It is!" Yachi laughs. "There was no face! There was no body and it wasn't wearing anything. It just had a gaping hole, where the mouth is supposed to be? It was just something dark and completely black. It looked happy dancing with my father though. I watched it laugh with my father. They danced well."

"The music must've been nice." Tadashi starts rubbing at his wrist. Something he does when he's nervous. He gets even more tense when the blonde woman rests her head on his bare shoulder.

"All I could hear was their laughter. Daddy and his woman weren't dancing to music. It felt like their laughter was all that I could hear. Maybe they just liked to dance to the sound of their voices."

"Okay." Tadashi starts nibbling his bottom lip. "It's getting cold."

Yachi giggles. "Yeah!"

"Let's hit the showers?" He waits for Yachi to move her head before he stands up. It took awhile for her to nod.

They headed together towards the disgusting, moldy bathroom that smells like piss and stained filth. They didn't have sex. Tadashi must be feeling too tired…

The water feels too cold, the walls are too small, and their hearts are too distant. A space between that can never be mended by skin to skin touch.

After dressing themselves with the same, worn out clothes - Yachi feels the pinch on her stomach that hasn't subsided. But with this smile that closely matches the numbness in her eyes - she takes hold of Tadashi's thin wrist and says, "Let me shave your stubble.…"

The man gives her an odd look. Running a lax hand against the thin hair on his chin, he says with a worried undertone, "Yachi-san are you okay?"

"Eh?" A tilt on the head.

"You've been acting weird ever since you came back."

"Ahh, ahh…" The small woman laughs nervously as she waves a hand. "It's just….I want to finish my story! Is that alright? I-I want someone to listen to my story. A-and there's nobody else here right now...I...um."

Tadashi furrows his eyebrows. But despite everything, he acquiesces.

They do it inside the tub. Tadashi rests his back against the freezing glass of the latter, feeling like he'll remember that biting ache all throughout the night. He rests his head against the wall as Yachi sits just on the edge next to him.

She starts putting on shaving cream as her boyfriend asks, "Does the shadow resemble your mother?"

"....huh?"

Tadashi doesn't move. He scowls in concern. "That darkness who slow dances with your Dad. Is she your mother?"

Yachi presses the blade just a bit harder than usual. "I never said they were slow dancing. Angel, you know me so well."

Yachi thinks she has never heard Tadashi being called anything else by Tsukishima. Once, she thinks it made him blush. Even by the phone, Tsukishima knows how to tug at his heartstrings.

Bitch.

"Yachi-san-"

Yachi grins. "I think the shadow resembled more of a beautiful woman. Though I hardly see her nowadays."

"Stop-"

Yachi feels the blade start piercing skin now. But Yachi's eyes start to go hazy, like there is no abyss to be swallowed from. Sometimes when a woman is being robbed, her eyes _become_ such as that unabiding emptiness.

And it's always too cliché, but it's entertaining. Something dark, something that instills fear. A nice show.

The rain begins dripping blood.

"I said I see my mother sometimes right?" Her voice starts to hurt her throat but she persists. "Did you know? While Daddy was dancing with that whore, my mother was too busy dying beside me. From drinking, they say. Cancer. But personally, I think, Yamaguchi-kun, is that she's too busy trying to reach over for her goddamn ring lying on our family picture to see clearly how Daddy is already slowly wrapping a noose around her throat. By the time I stopped watching them dance, I think I felt my smile falling the moment I realised the dying woman beside me had stopped breathing."

Yachi laughs a sob. "Yamaguchi-kun, I was meant to become a hopeless woman the moment I was born into a broken family."

|||

Inside that dilapidated motel room, Yachi's hands were too soaked with black, the blood almost looks like inky filth.

She stares at Tadashi. She's been talking to him for about forty minutes now. She told him why he never asked how she was feeling when she came home that night. Her throat hurts from asking if he even saw her outside that fucking window, wet and lonely under the stupid rain while Tsukishima probably thought of fucking him right after that kiss. _Did you even love me?_

But there wasn't any response.

The side effects are kicking in but Yachi thinks it's cancer that's eating her inside out. This cancer that has killed the same fool who raised her while Daddy played outside with his other toys.

Yachi smiles. Through her blonde curls, through her loveless heart - she thinks she finally feels weak enough to start crying.

She slams the door close. Slowly, her trembling hands start wandering at her hair.

It's dark and the rain once again falls down on her body but the tears finally start leaking out. As Yachi closes her hands into a fist full of blonde tresses, the woman starts laughing through her cries.

"Ha...hahaha...hahahahaha…!" Her body sways like she's dizzy.

Even as she washes the evidence on her hands, these tears just never left like the hurt in her leaking eyes. But it's not about the corpse she kept shaving earlier even when it was lifeless nor the dead man whose heart had never stayed in the palm of her hands, who's drinking beer earlier too.

It's about the rain.

Within these waterdrops, Yachi feels like it mirrors everything that's wrong and beautiful. Like a glass housing all sins that will eventually destroy the world.

And in this small puddle just beneath her shoes, she sees the reflection of a mad woman who slipped just a bit because of that fucking glass.

Guilt.

It begins now.

It's time for her to scream in anguish at the crime she has committed. For her conscience to start finding ways of setting her on fire. _What did you do, you idiot. You loved him, you still love him, he was everything. Even if you were nothing. Everything, nothing, everything, nothing, everything, nothing. Tsukishima will look for him. Tsukishima loved him, probably more than you did if those golden-brown eyes were meant for anything else than undressing Yamaguchi-san. And once he knows Yamaguchi is dead, you won't be any less different from Mommy._

Women do not thrive on a man's world.

Yachi feels insane enough, through those broken screams - her feet start stomping at the puddles around her with one instinct in mind.

Run.

|V

The rain loved Yachi.

Everywhere she looked, everytime she opened her mouth it wrapped its waters around her like suicide.

As she ran for her life, there were these shadows around her. They were swaying like nausea, and had no face, and had no body. All of them weren't wearing anything, no clothes, no accessories.

Only there was this gaping hole, where the mouth is?

And as Yachi starts being shoved by their busy bodies in the liquifying street - she can hear them laughing at her.

"Hahahahahahahahaha."

"Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

"Hahahahahahahaha!"

"Haha."

_So dark…..it's too dark._

Yachi sobbed her misery as the wetness in her body flowed with the blood that's boiling inside her veins. They're laughing at her. These shadows…..

It's not because they know what she did. It's that they know who she is.

Her mother's daughter.

"Hahahaha.....hahaha....hahahahahahahahahaha…..!" Echoing and so condescending. Like demons who came to life from her nightmares. There's nothing in them. Just _black_.

Yachi is her mother's hopeless daughter. What did you think? Why were you trying to escape your future? Don't you know history repeats itself?

Don't you know history repeats itself?

V

"Senpai…"

Sawamura Koushi was met with a mucky woman soaked from the rain the moment he opened the door.

The consequences. It starts now.

Daichi had a loose sweater hanging around Yachi's shoulders. His dark eyebrows furrow as he listens in to what Yachi has to say. Somewhere, from a safe distance Yachi thinks, his longtime husband makes cocoa for the both of them.

Daichi is a man of honor. He's a military police officer at his precinct and has been a member of the law for almost five years until now.

But he's also somewhat Yachi's older brother, a very close friend. As long as he likes her, the good and the ugly, the pain and the mistakes - he'll probably chain her to a prison cell before he lets his coworker shoot the trigger, aimed at the left side of her skull.

"Senpai…" Yachi was trembling all over. She thinks she hasn't said anything clear. Her voice is too nasally, her stability too shaky. But she was still crying.

It feels like crying is the only thing she can do at this moment. 

........If...if she were to state it differently….

…...if someone, anyone would still be willing to listen to her story. If Daichi wouldn't let her rest and if she didn't whimper and hide herself away….

Exhausted and burnt out from the weight on her shoulders, Yachi curls on herself under the bedstead of Daichi and Koushi's bedroom. There's the remnants of dried tears on her cheeks and her eyes are too puffy, too red. Like it has already run out of water to cry, it's already prepared to start streaming blood and piss.

If Yachi were to state it differently…..

Numbness starts glowing in her eyes.

 _Tadashi would still be dead_ , her hands still bearing the mark of his mortality. But Yachi would be in their room at this moment, at this hour, laying on his resting body.

She would lay her head on his unmoving chest and watch the rain drip drop outside the window of their motel. Her hands would intertwine and be buried between her thighs because it's cold and Tadashi never really liked to hold hands with her. But if he was alive, he would make an effort in warming her up, running his hand up and down on her back. Like he always does.

And then she would still love him. Gazing at the reflection of the dripping rain, her lips would start to move.

"I'm not sorry."

Outside, the sirens start blaring.

 _fin_.


End file.
